


Death to the Smartphone

by CheyanneChika



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Cell Phones, Deadpool being Deadpool, Ficlet, Gen, I wrote this because fucking Verizon and I need to calm the fuck down, M/M, Minor Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Rated for Deadpool's Language, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 13:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Deadpool vs. Broken Smartphone





	Death to the Smartphone

“Deadpool, why is there a record for a two thousand gallon aquarium, a live shark and ten flamethrowers on our Amazon account?” Peter asked.  He’d considered calling his live-in boyfriend by his name, but this was clearly insanity and it was of the Deadpool variety.

“My fucking phone isn’t fucking working,” Wade snapped.  All the usual hilarity and light-heartedness his insanity usually contained was gone and only cold fury…and insanity…was left.

“And this is relevant because?”

“Because this is the fucking replacement phone.  The warranty is only for ninety days on it.”

“Again, relevance?”

“If it’s set on fire and then eaten by a shark and then the shark is set on fire then they will have to replace it.  Because even if I had their stupid, insipid, expensive insurance, that wouldn’t cover it!”

Peter licked his lips.  “Please don’t set any sharks on fire.”  After a beat, he added, “Also, flamethrowers don’t really work against water.”

Wade had clearly not thought this through and only realized that now.  “That’s okay.  This is fanfic, the writer will break the laws of physics as easily as I break the fourth wall.”

(A/N: …I will?)

Peter heaved a sigh.  “Just don’t hurt the shark, you know how PETA gets.  In fact, I’m cancelling the order for a shark.  Figure out how to destroy the phone with fire and water.”

“Fine,” Wade grumbled. 

And thus, through the power of PWP (Physics? What Physics?) The phone was consumed by fire and water and returned to the Verizon store in bits.

They still wouldn’t replace it.

Because fucking Verizon.

The end.


End file.
